I am grateful.
I am writing to share my heartfelt thanks with so many individuals. Some will recognize instances they read about, they will know it's about them. Some will not.
This week has been a source of mass media overload, with so much coverage of the tragic school shooting in Connecticut. I just can't watch it anymore. Too much pain and capitalization on it. On the other hand I see so many beautiful acts of faith and love, people reaching out and attempting to 'pay it forward'. It's wonderful, but shouldn't we live like that all the time? Why does it take something so horrific to open our hearts?
I have a blessed life. We all do. Even in the heart of desperation and sadness, one can still usually pick out one thing that has touched his/her life and made it better.
Beyond my husband and children. I have a blessed life.
I have a best friend. Can everyone say that? I have someone who knows all the good and bad and she still loves me. She tolerates me. This person isn't even a family member, like a sister, who HAS to love me. She just does. She laughs at inappropriate times and we share the same memories. We saw the same things through different eyes and somehow absorbed it like one person. I don't know many people in this life that can say, "I've had the same best friend for 25 years."
I can. She blesses me~she may not know she does. She would probably read this and say 'oh my gosh she is CRAZY' but, she knows I am. She may tear up and she knows all the dark and twisty and hurt and she knows how hard it was to say goodbye to a man we both loved. She knows that I hurt them and they hurt me, and part of growing up sometimes means making colossal mistakes, but I had to make them. And she still loved me.
I appreciate a couple who, several years ago, introduced me to God. Literally, almost. We moved into a big house and not only was the street full of young families, the street needed a babysitter. Viola!
The couple next door had three kids, one who was only a few years younger than I, but possibly not ready to take care of his younger siblings. My job was to watch the younger two, mainly. Great, great kids. Fun, intelligent, and full of it. They were just a fun family. Their father was a pastor at a local church, with a large youth base. They invited me to Sunday school one Sunday, and after attending, came to truly love the camaraderie the parishioners had. The feeling was electric. I met God in those Sundays. And to this day, I still attribute that couple and that church for the beginning of my religious education. They made me want to learn more. Not everyone can say that a busy couple with three kids offered to begin educating a teenager about the most important relationship she would ever have. I can.
I appreciate every single kid I ever had the privilege to watch. I can honestly say that sometimes when a parent would call, I would deflate, like 'ugh no, not again!' but because I am a parent now and understand how important it is to have adult time and space, along with the very highest honor..trusting someone with my own kids, I am grateful that for whatever it's worth, those parents trusted me. Those kids are some of my best memories, in my whole life, and I appreciate all of them and hope they know how they shaped me into the mother I am now. There were a few who will always stand out, they probably know who they are. There is one who ended up being my babysitter for three of my four children. And to say my third son was difficult is like saying ice is cold. He hated every single human on Earth except his father, myself, and this one babysitter. The image that comes to mind is coming home one evening, finding them asleep on the couch, under a blanket. He laying on her chest, her arms wrapped around him. This child only connects with those who earn it. She earned it. Not everyone can say that they had help and love surrounding their children and were able to trust young women with their children, to love them and care for them so fully. I can.
I am grateful to every teacher that has touched my child and made their brain engage. I had teachers that I remember fondly, and I had teachers that I didn't care for. I also had teachers who were beyond fond, who still stop on the street and are thrilled to see me or my children. Of course, the English teachers were my favorite, as they stirred my curiosity and showed me my potential. They were more than teachers, they were friends. And I hope that my children have the same relationship with their teachers. I see such great potential, yet understand that it is truly up to each individual to decide his/her path. If I could plot my children in a line, hypothetically speaking of course, I would say: physician, art teacher, architect, performer. But I can't. And I have to be OK with that, because I am not the curator of their individuality. I'm just the cook!
This is why I salute their teachers, who are able to hone into their skills~their strengths.
I am grateful to every second someone has volunteered to coach my child in athletics. It is a thankless job, I can promise you that. But in life, there will be a boss. A foreman. Co-workers. Family. In sports, there is a coach, a quarterback, a point guard, a pitcher. There is a line to protect you and a lead blocker to open up opportunities. They will have to learn to find their place, life is like a team sport. Win some, lose some. But in order to play, one has to get along with others.

I have people who laugh with me, or at me. I don't care, because I laugh at myself, too. I have people I can blow off steam to, who 'get it'. I am grateful for every person that has ever made me throw my head back and laugh. Even people I no longer talk to, who may have been close to me at one point or another, if they made me laugh I applaud you. There are a few who stand out.
I am trying very hard to learn to live without regret. Growing up sucks. When you realize that you are not the center of the universe and your parents age, or die.
But I can say, that being the grown up in this house, is really, really good.
I appreciate that the most.

Happy holidays and good wishes to all.
Laugh every day.