What do we as mothers do to encourage religion in our childrens' lives? Is it our duty, as parents, to encourage them to thinkly freely? Or is it our duty as parents to guide them into spiritual equality? Do we force them into the small box that may be our own religious beliefs? Do we show them a literal sense of the Bible?
This is my blog for today.
I grew up in a home where God was simply OK, neither great nor bad. My parents had no religioius background to speak of, at least not to speak of nicely. My father was, at best, an agnostic, one who doesn't believe but who doesn't neccessarily not believe either.
My parents bought a new home and we moved when I was thirteen. Our new neighbors, along with having three kids for me to babysit, were also the head of a local church. They asked my parents if I would like to accompany them to church and sunday school. I was allowed and so began my religious life.
It was a non-denominational congregation. Lots of music, practical sermons and general "fun" atmosphere. A good fit for me, who had nothing to go on. I went to church there for ten years, enjoying learning. It was a great stepping stone to what would become a lifetime of questions.
That family opened my eyes to what "family" in church meant. Dad was pastor. Mom was teacher.
When I started dating in high school, I met and fell in love with a young man who had an extensive religious background. Only, it was a much more charismatic type of belief. I had a huge obstacle in front of me, since he was constantly trying to make me a "better" person. He had to "save" me from myself and my "sinning" parents.
Well, if my parents were sinners, were they going to hell? Aren't we all sinners of some type?
When I met my husband, I knew he was Catholic. I knew I had a huge hill to climb with this religion. When we got engaged, it was truly expected that I convert to Catholicism. I did so, not so much with joy in my heart, but with curiousity. I enjoy learning. I really enjoyed taking the classes and learning what my future husband already knew. Most Catholics are there bc their parents were. Going in as an adult, and with an open mind helped me to recognize that religion itself is an education. This is what I struggle with as a mother to four Catholic children.
I do not pretend to know what God wants from any of us. I know He made free will. I know He forgives. I think He would always want us, as disciples or followers, to educate ourselves and our children.
I hope my children know that God loves them. In loving my children, I feel closer to God, b/c I can imagine how much he loved his only son. I hope to educate my children to feel the presence of God in their lives. My husband and I are raising our children in the Catholic church, not because it's easy (although it is) but because we feel it will be a solid stepping stone for them to continue to learn his/her own personal faith. It's a journey. It's a personal journey. I never let anyone dictate my beliefs, I do not intend to dictate to my children what they should/shouldn't believe. They need to know God loves them. There are so many ways to show love back to Him, they will find their own path later in life.
Today is Sunday. We've been to church.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
March...um...25?
OK, that works for me.
Been sick for days...pneumonia. Pink eye. ETC. One thing I've learned: the nurse (aka Mother) who takes care of the sick children is not allowed to be sick. EVER. So, this nurse has nursed the sick children of her home since March 4.
21 days o' fun. Little sleep. Much coughing, washing, vomiting, ETC.
So, while children are all seemingly better, I fade. The answer??? Make friends with your family doctor and drink wine.
ALL BETTER!
OK. Now to write. What shall it be tonight? I've covered pottying. Hmmm...
I know!
My poor cousin has had a baby and she is sad. She doesn't feel well. Too many visitors. Baby doesn't sleep. Too bloody. Too sore. Too tired.
This is all part of the process that people DO NOT tell you when starting to think of having a family. I should say "having a baby" because once the first comes, most people do a lot of hardcore thinking before making a "family"...as in, more than one child.
I had little experience with children growing up. I, being an only child, had (THE FREAKIN BEST LIFE EVER) little involvement, other than occasional babysitting.
I always felt maternal, very maternal in fact. I never doubted in any form that I would marry and have a child. I liked other people's kids, in general.
So, I marry. My husband had one little neice, who was just born when we started dating. She was not even two when we married. I adored her. She lived four states away and we saw them infrequently. I just loved the heck out of her. She was good. She was cute. She wasn't mine.
I wanted her.
So, I marry. Unbelievable as it seems, I get pregnant five weeks later. Not planned. At all. OK, here we go. First nine weeks go by fairly quickly...we make the big announcement at Thanksgiving. "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!"...
On December 23, 1998 (yes, this is how clear the event was) my husband and I go into our first ultrasound experience. I was about 11-12 weeks pregnant. I was not even showing yet, maybe had gained 4-5 lbs. Still wearing amazing jeans and high heeled boots.
We go into a little dark room, and they prepare to do what is called a "transvaginal" (fun, right?) ultrasound. We do it. I lay there and the tech had the screen facing her, away from us. She studied it for a long, long time. Husband and I hold hands, waiting for her to say, "here is a heartbeat" or "see this blob?". So, while we hold hands waiting for the magical moment she turns the screen and says "there are two, you're having twins". Magic moment over.
HUH? I can remember feeling how sweaty our palms got holding on the other hand. I know my heart rate exploded, because I could feel it pounding.
Twins?
I don't know anything about kids. Husband knows less. Twins?
We go home and make a big announcement on Christmas "WE'RE HAVING TWINS!!"
Ten more weeks go by. I am tired, or so I think. I'm starting to round out a little.
20 week ultrasound. "Please have one girl"....is resounding in my head.
Two boys.
I don't speak for two days. I am disappointed. Isn't that terrible?? I'm awful, but at least I'm honest. Two boys? Gross.
Here we go. Twenty more weeks go by. Yes, I'm accurate, I carried them full term in the middle of summer. I am probably the ONLY woman ever to carry twins full term in July. I didn't want them to come out!
Labor: is a whole other story. Fast, hard, done.
I resented those babies before they were even born. That's the first time I've EVER admitted that. I am not sad about it. I wasn't ready to be a mother first of all, let alone to TWO BOYS.
So, we bring them home, it's not like we could leave them at the hospital, although in the weeks and months to follow, I'm sure it would have been easier.
Welcome to hell. Newborn twins are not a dream come true.
No one tells you that:
you bleed for weeks and weeks and weeks
your breasts are foreign bodies, used only for food
your stomach is like a deflated helium balloon, and you can't even use it for fun voices
your hair falls out
Plus, guess what??? Babies cry. Like, a lot. And I even had a colic baby. One good, one colic.
People were dropping into our home constantly...people I hadn't seen in years! Like we were a side show from a circus.
We were. Or rather, I was.
Acceptance is key here, I know this because I've gone on to have two additional kids and really come to like it.
A new mother needs to accept the following:
Labor is not fun. But it is one day. One really, really sucky day.
Babies are not fun. They also suck, literally and figuratively.
Bellybutton care is not for wimps. It is gross and hard to work around.
Nurses do not like you if you are pretty and/or have a good looking husband.
Stomachs do return to post pregger look. I know this because I do at least 300 crunches a day.
Hormones are NOT A MYTH.
MIL are not like your mom; and no matter what anyone says, in those first days after a new baby (or two) all you want is your mom.
IMPORTANT: there is NO SLEEP. EVER.
Husbands really want to help, but do not know how...by the time the fourth comes, mine screws up jobs on purpose so I don't ask him again.
Vaginas are awesome. It will return to it's original state.
These are not even all of the things I didn't know BUT NOW DO.
I will return for more on having a new baby.
Remember I said I thought 'wine' was part of my recuperation?? It is, was, and now I'm barely keeping eyes open!!
Thanks for reading, anyone.
I will return for more at a later time..
OK, that works for me.
Been sick for days...pneumonia. Pink eye. ETC. One thing I've learned: the nurse (aka Mother) who takes care of the sick children is not allowed to be sick. EVER. So, this nurse has nursed the sick children of her home since March 4.
21 days o' fun. Little sleep. Much coughing, washing, vomiting, ETC.
So, while children are all seemingly better, I fade. The answer??? Make friends with your family doctor and drink wine.
ALL BETTER!
OK. Now to write. What shall it be tonight? I've covered pottying. Hmmm...
I know!
My poor cousin has had a baby and she is sad. She doesn't feel well. Too many visitors. Baby doesn't sleep. Too bloody. Too sore. Too tired.
This is all part of the process that people DO NOT tell you when starting to think of having a family. I should say "having a baby" because once the first comes, most people do a lot of hardcore thinking before making a "family"...as in, more than one child.
I had little experience with children growing up. I, being an only child, had (THE FREAKIN BEST LIFE EVER) little involvement, other than occasional babysitting.
I always felt maternal, very maternal in fact. I never doubted in any form that I would marry and have a child. I liked other people's kids, in general.
So, I marry. My husband had one little neice, who was just born when we started dating. She was not even two when we married. I adored her. She lived four states away and we saw them infrequently. I just loved the heck out of her. She was good. She was cute. She wasn't mine.
I wanted her.
So, I marry. Unbelievable as it seems, I get pregnant five weeks later. Not planned. At all. OK, here we go. First nine weeks go by fairly quickly...we make the big announcement at Thanksgiving. "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!"...
On December 23, 1998 (yes, this is how clear the event was) my husband and I go into our first ultrasound experience. I was about 11-12 weeks pregnant. I was not even showing yet, maybe had gained 4-5 lbs. Still wearing amazing jeans and high heeled boots.
We go into a little dark room, and they prepare to do what is called a "transvaginal" (fun, right?) ultrasound. We do it. I lay there and the tech had the screen facing her, away from us. She studied it for a long, long time. Husband and I hold hands, waiting for her to say, "here is a heartbeat" or "see this blob?". So, while we hold hands waiting for the magical moment she turns the screen and says "there are two, you're having twins". Magic moment over.
HUH? I can remember feeling how sweaty our palms got holding on the other hand. I know my heart rate exploded, because I could feel it pounding.
Twins?
I don't know anything about kids. Husband knows less. Twins?
We go home and make a big announcement on Christmas "WE'RE HAVING TWINS!!"
Ten more weeks go by. I am tired, or so I think. I'm starting to round out a little.
20 week ultrasound. "Please have one girl"....is resounding in my head.
Two boys.
I don't speak for two days. I am disappointed. Isn't that terrible?? I'm awful, but at least I'm honest. Two boys? Gross.
Here we go. Twenty more weeks go by. Yes, I'm accurate, I carried them full term in the middle of summer. I am probably the ONLY woman ever to carry twins full term in July. I didn't want them to come out!
Labor: is a whole other story. Fast, hard, done.
I resented those babies before they were even born. That's the first time I've EVER admitted that. I am not sad about it. I wasn't ready to be a mother first of all, let alone to TWO BOYS.
So, we bring them home, it's not like we could leave them at the hospital, although in the weeks and months to follow, I'm sure it would have been easier.
Welcome to hell. Newborn twins are not a dream come true.
No one tells you that:
you bleed for weeks and weeks and weeks
your breasts are foreign bodies, used only for food
your stomach is like a deflated helium balloon, and you can't even use it for fun voices
your hair falls out
Plus, guess what??? Babies cry. Like, a lot. And I even had a colic baby. One good, one colic.
People were dropping into our home constantly...people I hadn't seen in years! Like we were a side show from a circus.
We were. Or rather, I was.
Acceptance is key here, I know this because I've gone on to have two additional kids and really come to like it.
A new mother needs to accept the following:
Labor is not fun. But it is one day. One really, really sucky day.
Babies are not fun. They also suck, literally and figuratively.
Bellybutton care is not for wimps. It is gross and hard to work around.
Nurses do not like you if you are pretty and/or have a good looking husband.
Stomachs do return to post pregger look. I know this because I do at least 300 crunches a day.
Hormones are NOT A MYTH.
MIL are not like your mom; and no matter what anyone says, in those first days after a new baby (or two) all you want is your mom.
IMPORTANT: there is NO SLEEP. EVER.
Husbands really want to help, but do not know how...by the time the fourth comes, mine screws up jobs on purpose so I don't ask him again.
Vaginas are awesome. It will return to it's original state.
These are not even all of the things I didn't know BUT NOW DO.
I will return for more on having a new baby.
Remember I said I thought 'wine' was part of my recuperation?? It is, was, and now I'm barely keeping eyes open!!
Thanks for reading, anyone.
I will return for more at a later time..
Monday, March 23, 2009
Today I am blogging about something near and dear to me. Potty training. Or the myth of potty training, and believe me, it is a myth.
I have a two yr old daughter. Wonderful, bright, energy filled child. She occasionally goes on the toilet, for fun. She is far too busy in her world of baby dolls, Dora, coloring, cooking at her play kitchen to take the time to go in a go potty. Like I said, she goes in the bathroom for FUN. As in, let's-take-off-my-clothes-and-run-around-nudie fun.
My MIL feels as though she should be going to the bathroom on a regular basis, fully and completely potty trained. I mean, she single handedly potty trained her three children by the age of 6 weeks!! No, seriously, she pottied her children by or around age 2.
Twenty/thirty years ago, babies and toddlers were wearing cloth diapers (gag)....if I were a baby, I would potty train myself!! It is no wonder we, as toddlers, were going to the toilet by age 2! Yuck.
Now, astounding as this may be to my MIL (she forgets incidentals) I have actually potty trained three little boys prior to my fourth installment. And there are some things I learned...I will grace the world with my knowledge.
First of all, I am not in charge of his/her poop or pee. At all. My kids can all fart on command, but defecate?? I don't think so. I have not been able to command the attention of my childrens' colons at all. If I was in charge, one would think I would command my son to poop before heading to the supermarket. "No, no, no...I don't have to go" or "Mom, I'm fine, I totally pooped this morning." GREAT.
So, while in the supermarket at least one, if not all, sons always have to take a dump while I'm looking for creamer or milk. This is not a joke. And, usually if one son has to go, the other two will follow suit.
Point being: if I was actually in charge of the fecal matter, wouldn't I encourage them to go before leaving the house? Of course I would. I am not in charge of this.
Secondly, it is hard to travel when potty training. Like downtown. Or to the pool. Or for a walk. It's so so so much easier to throw on a diaper than to stop or ask every 26 seconds if he/she has to go to the bathroom. We have three sons in little league this year. I personally, do not plan on spending a lot of time in the "port-a-potty" with the two yr old. I plan on watching my sons' play baseball and chatting with bffs.
Also, the toddler at large who is/isn't potty training has to be able to give a 45 second warning. "Have to go potty!!!" while actually urine is running down leg doesn't count!
I have a real problem with mothers who are in a big hurry to potty train. In such a hurry that they put little cute undies on their kids, and go on to pack 4-5 outfits along the way. Because toddler will go wee in underpants and soak through clothes. Well, no kidding!
"My child is potty trained!!"...smug mother smiles and nods.
Ugh, no. That's called shitting your pants. Wiser and meaner mothers (me and bffs) know this.
When you have as many kids as I do, you try to make less work, not more.
Potty training is basically something that toddler 'decides' it is time for. Albeit, it should be before age 5...toddlers are usually prime for going to bathroom at or around age 3, in my experience. They can communicate their needs more effectively, clearly. They know the 'feeling' of an exploding bladder or an uncomfortable colon!
MIL. (sigh) God bless her. If she would like to come to my home and potty train any of my kids, she can feel free to do so. I have laundry to do. Groceries to buy. Dinners to prepare. Playdates to play. Bills to pay. Floors to mop. Dust to dust. Exercise to do. Showers to take. Clothes to fold. I don't plan on sitting in bathroom on floor waiting for two yr old to take a one second pee, fourteen minutes to play and pretend to wipe with the toilet paper that has now been totally unwound....seriously?
Not going to happen today.
I have a two yr old daughter. Wonderful, bright, energy filled child. She occasionally goes on the toilet, for fun. She is far too busy in her world of baby dolls, Dora, coloring, cooking at her play kitchen to take the time to go in a go potty. Like I said, she goes in the bathroom for FUN. As in, let's-take-off-my-clothes-and-run-around-nudie fun.
My MIL feels as though she should be going to the bathroom on a regular basis, fully and completely potty trained. I mean, she single handedly potty trained her three children by the age of 6 weeks!! No, seriously, she pottied her children by or around age 2.
Twenty/thirty years ago, babies and toddlers were wearing cloth diapers (gag)....if I were a baby, I would potty train myself!! It is no wonder we, as toddlers, were going to the toilet by age 2! Yuck.
Now, astounding as this may be to my MIL (she forgets incidentals) I have actually potty trained three little boys prior to my fourth installment. And there are some things I learned...I will grace the world with my knowledge.
First of all, I am not in charge of his/her poop or pee. At all. My kids can all fart on command, but defecate?? I don't think so. I have not been able to command the attention of my childrens' colons at all. If I was in charge, one would think I would command my son to poop before heading to the supermarket. "No, no, no...I don't have to go" or "Mom, I'm fine, I totally pooped this morning." GREAT.
So, while in the supermarket at least one, if not all, sons always have to take a dump while I'm looking for creamer or milk. This is not a joke. And, usually if one son has to go, the other two will follow suit.
Point being: if I was actually in charge of the fecal matter, wouldn't I encourage them to go before leaving the house? Of course I would. I am not in charge of this.
Secondly, it is hard to travel when potty training. Like downtown. Or to the pool. Or for a walk. It's so so so much easier to throw on a diaper than to stop or ask every 26 seconds if he/she has to go to the bathroom. We have three sons in little league this year. I personally, do not plan on spending a lot of time in the "port-a-potty" with the two yr old. I plan on watching my sons' play baseball and chatting with bffs.
Also, the toddler at large who is/isn't potty training has to be able to give a 45 second warning. "Have to go potty!!!" while actually urine is running down leg doesn't count!
I have a real problem with mothers who are in a big hurry to potty train. In such a hurry that they put little cute undies on their kids, and go on to pack 4-5 outfits along the way. Because toddler will go wee in underpants and soak through clothes. Well, no kidding!
"My child is potty trained!!"...smug mother smiles and nods.
Ugh, no. That's called shitting your pants. Wiser and meaner mothers (me and bffs) know this.
When you have as many kids as I do, you try to make less work, not more.
Potty training is basically something that toddler 'decides' it is time for. Albeit, it should be before age 5...toddlers are usually prime for going to bathroom at or around age 3, in my experience. They can communicate their needs more effectively, clearly. They know the 'feeling' of an exploding bladder or an uncomfortable colon!
MIL. (sigh) God bless her. If she would like to come to my home and potty train any of my kids, she can feel free to do so. I have laundry to do. Groceries to buy. Dinners to prepare. Playdates to play. Bills to pay. Floors to mop. Dust to dust. Exercise to do. Showers to take. Clothes to fold. I don't plan on sitting in bathroom on floor waiting for two yr old to take a one second pee, fourteen minutes to play and pretend to wipe with the toilet paper that has now been totally unwound....seriously?
Not going to happen today.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Start: Today is March something
Today is the day!! I'm starting to blog. I need a creative outlet for myself and this is apparently going to be it.
My friends will be thrilled, as all of them want me to write a book. Which I would love to do if I didn't have four children who are in a rotation of illness.
I dedicate this blog to:
MYSELF because I have earned this time to "use my words".
MY CHILDREN because without them I would have nothing to blog about.
MY HUSBAND because along with being a saint he is also an idiot.
MY FRIENDS because they make me sane and accept the insaneness.
So, here we go. Wish me luck.
I could start with a history lesson. It would be helpful in understanding why I do the things I do. But, I am not sure I have time and/or patience for a history lesson. It's complicated, as I am. For those of you who know me, and I doubt many others who do not will ever read this post, you know what and who you are dealing with! I think I will opt out of the history lesson. We'll just muddle through together!
Today started with the coughing. COUGHING. Lots and lots of coughing. I hate coughing. I'm not speaking of my own personal coughing, I'm speaking of one of my nine year old twin's constant and pained coughing. He has had an asthma flare up. I am making a mountain out of a molehill here, I think, because many millions of children and people are afflicted with asthma and have problematic coughing episodes. But those people are not my child. And he suffers and suffers and coughs and I'm just wiped out!
Some people speak of hearing "something go boo" in the night...that instills fear in them. Nothing instills fear more in me than hearing a child cough in the night. It is the single worst sound I know. Makes me break out in a cold sweat.
At any rate, I am on no sleep for multiple nights now. I will survive! Get up other twin and six year old, feed, brush, out the door they go to school. Two year old daughter now up. Have to be at hospital for chest film in approx. 20 minutes. No time for shower!! Asthma twin dressed!! Two year old dressed!! I am dressed!! Out the door we go.
Chest film. McDonald's. Grocery store. Home. Lunch. Two year old up for nap. Folded two loads of laundry. Emptied dishwasher, reloaded. Asthma twin resting while watching movie. Here I sit, blogging. New for me. Could prove interesting.
Groceries are still in car, didn't want two yr old to see certain things and want to open and make mess with fruit roll ups I buy for lunch boxes. Better go attend to that. Actually forgot until just this minute.
OK. Back. Obviously, this blogging will take me awhile.
Talked quickly to two bff's on phone while folding laundry and taking care of dishes. Our husbands think we spend WAYYYYY too much time on phone, but don't realize that we are actually multitasking. I never just SIT down on couch to talk on phone.
Should be working out on elliptical. "Operation Major Weight Loss" has momentarily halted, due to sheer exhaustion and new love of blogging. I'm not fat. At all. I just have all these amazing clothes that are exactly one size too small to wear. I will not buy new clothes when I have beautiful clothes already.
I feel as though this blog will be more of a diary and vent post for me than anything interesting to anyone else, except perhaps my friends who are in hopes of my life turning into a made for tv movie, something everyone everywhere can laugh at.
Interesting fact: all marriages go through the "two week funk"....my bff1 and I were just discussing this. My marriage, in fact, just went through it! And I have a great marriage. Truly great. He is very kind and a wonderful father. Very handsome even though totally bald (although some women find that awesome)...great job, hard worker. Provider. Key word here, people! Provider. I can define that myself.
"Provider: a man who works 40-50 hours a week, graciously lets his wife stay home all day and do not very much other than an occasional load o' laundry, and sometimes cooks."
Or:
"Provider: a man who busts his breaking back every day, comes home to a hot meal on the table with four well behaved children and a supermodel wife."
Or:
"Provider: a man who has a job. His wife gets unexpectedly preggers five minutes after wedding. She stays home to raise family, which keeps growing, as does her work. He goes out the door every day, comes home with a smile, eats, lays on the couch and kids jump on his head while wife looks at mess from dinner, which no one actually ate or said 'thank you' for. He heads to garage to tinker on snowmobile, while wife struggles with nine yr old twins homework, six yr old's tired outburst, and two yr old's poop. He comes back in as everyone is finishing bath, getting on pj's. Reads two yr old a book. Gives kisses. Walks downstairs, out the door and back to garage to snowmobile, truck, woodpile, or something else of utmost importance. Wife walks up and down stairs approx 14 times trying to get everyone in bed, with drink, cough, medicine, wardrobe for school, bathroom, don't forget to brush teeth....etc. Wife comes downstairs, finishes kitchen, starts laundry, packs lunches for tomorrow, checks schedule. Folds laundry, picks up family room. Sits down with glass of wine to watch Friday Night Lights on NBC. Provider comes in, says it's time for bed, goes upstairs and waits for wife to come up for sex." PROVIDER.
I love my husband. I do. But the past two weeks have just plain sucked. He is so stubborn. Why, oh why do I get no credit for anything? It's fine. It really is. I decided a long time ago to just be happy, to just make myself happy. I have a great life. I love my kids. I love my husband. My dog is ok. My mother lives with us but that is a WHOLE different part of my story.
So, two weeks of funky, no communication. We have nitpicked one another every day for 14 days, for no reason other than we just felt like it.
Two nights ago: asthma twin is upstairs coughing. I'm worried. Husband says "if you had taken him to the doctor last week none of this would be happening." Are you kidding me? He is always complaining that I spend TOO MUCH TIME in the doctors office. So, that set me right off. Ten minutes later, I open his cell phone to find a picture of a nude woman, from the waist up. I'm sorry, again, are you kidding me???? So, I completely blow my cool. Not only have you been rude and snippy at me for two weeks, you make me feel guilty about asthma twin, and now you have porn on your phone. Not acceptable. So, I yell and cry and flip out. Picture was a joke message from one of his less desirable friends. Why is it still on your phone? Because he didn't erase it yet. Why? No answer. I do not have time for this! I have asthma twin hacking and not breathing, and a two yr old crying for some "rocky" in her rocking chair.
Two days followed of extremely tense relations. One bouquet of flowers went flying out the back door, still in the tissue paper wrapping.
Last night, asthma twin has sinkable episode in shower. I'm alone as provider has very important baseball mtg to attend. I call him. He's home in 4 minutes to help and rescue.
Two week funk over.
But he is so not getting laid in the near future.
My friends will be thrilled, as all of them want me to write a book. Which I would love to do if I didn't have four children who are in a rotation of illness.
I dedicate this blog to:
MYSELF because I have earned this time to "use my words".
MY CHILDREN because without them I would have nothing to blog about.
MY HUSBAND because along with being a saint he is also an idiot.
MY FRIENDS because they make me sane and accept the insaneness.
So, here we go. Wish me luck.
I could start with a history lesson. It would be helpful in understanding why I do the things I do. But, I am not sure I have time and/or patience for a history lesson. It's complicated, as I am. For those of you who know me, and I doubt many others who do not will ever read this post, you know what and who you are dealing with! I think I will opt out of the history lesson. We'll just muddle through together!
Today started with the coughing. COUGHING. Lots and lots of coughing. I hate coughing. I'm not speaking of my own personal coughing, I'm speaking of one of my nine year old twin's constant and pained coughing. He has had an asthma flare up. I am making a mountain out of a molehill here, I think, because many millions of children and people are afflicted with asthma and have problematic coughing episodes. But those people are not my child. And he suffers and suffers and coughs and I'm just wiped out!
Some people speak of hearing "something go boo" in the night...that instills fear in them. Nothing instills fear more in me than hearing a child cough in the night. It is the single worst sound I know. Makes me break out in a cold sweat.
At any rate, I am on no sleep for multiple nights now. I will survive! Get up other twin and six year old, feed, brush, out the door they go to school. Two year old daughter now up. Have to be at hospital for chest film in approx. 20 minutes. No time for shower!! Asthma twin dressed!! Two year old dressed!! I am dressed!! Out the door we go.
Chest film. McDonald's. Grocery store. Home. Lunch. Two year old up for nap. Folded two loads of laundry. Emptied dishwasher, reloaded. Asthma twin resting while watching movie. Here I sit, blogging. New for me. Could prove interesting.
Groceries are still in car, didn't want two yr old to see certain things and want to open and make mess with fruit roll ups I buy for lunch boxes. Better go attend to that. Actually forgot until just this minute.
OK. Back. Obviously, this blogging will take me awhile.
Talked quickly to two bff's on phone while folding laundry and taking care of dishes. Our husbands think we spend WAYYYYY too much time on phone, but don't realize that we are actually multitasking. I never just SIT down on couch to talk on phone.
Should be working out on elliptical. "Operation Major Weight Loss" has momentarily halted, due to sheer exhaustion and new love of blogging. I'm not fat. At all. I just have all these amazing clothes that are exactly one size too small to wear. I will not buy new clothes when I have beautiful clothes already.
I feel as though this blog will be more of a diary and vent post for me than anything interesting to anyone else, except perhaps my friends who are in hopes of my life turning into a made for tv movie, something everyone everywhere can laugh at.
Interesting fact: all marriages go through the "two week funk"....my bff1 and I were just discussing this. My marriage, in fact, just went through it! And I have a great marriage. Truly great. He is very kind and a wonderful father. Very handsome even though totally bald (although some women find that awesome)...great job, hard worker. Provider. Key word here, people! Provider. I can define that myself.
"Provider: a man who works 40-50 hours a week, graciously lets his wife stay home all day and do not very much other than an occasional load o' laundry, and sometimes cooks."
Or:
"Provider: a man who busts his breaking back every day, comes home to a hot meal on the table with four well behaved children and a supermodel wife."
Or:
"Provider: a man who has a job. His wife gets unexpectedly preggers five minutes after wedding. She stays home to raise family, which keeps growing, as does her work. He goes out the door every day, comes home with a smile, eats, lays on the couch and kids jump on his head while wife looks at mess from dinner, which no one actually ate or said 'thank you' for. He heads to garage to tinker on snowmobile, while wife struggles with nine yr old twins homework, six yr old's tired outburst, and two yr old's poop. He comes back in as everyone is finishing bath, getting on pj's. Reads two yr old a book. Gives kisses. Walks downstairs, out the door and back to garage to snowmobile, truck, woodpile, or something else of utmost importance. Wife walks up and down stairs approx 14 times trying to get everyone in bed, with drink, cough, medicine, wardrobe for school, bathroom, don't forget to brush teeth....etc. Wife comes downstairs, finishes kitchen, starts laundry, packs lunches for tomorrow, checks schedule. Folds laundry, picks up family room. Sits down with glass of wine to watch Friday Night Lights on NBC. Provider comes in, says it's time for bed, goes upstairs and waits for wife to come up for sex." PROVIDER.
I love my husband. I do. But the past two weeks have just plain sucked. He is so stubborn. Why, oh why do I get no credit for anything? It's fine. It really is. I decided a long time ago to just be happy, to just make myself happy. I have a great life. I love my kids. I love my husband. My dog is ok. My mother lives with us but that is a WHOLE different part of my story.
So, two weeks of funky, no communication. We have nitpicked one another every day for 14 days, for no reason other than we just felt like it.
Two nights ago: asthma twin is upstairs coughing. I'm worried. Husband says "if you had taken him to the doctor last week none of this would be happening." Are you kidding me? He is always complaining that I spend TOO MUCH TIME in the doctors office. So, that set me right off. Ten minutes later, I open his cell phone to find a picture of a nude woman, from the waist up. I'm sorry, again, are you kidding me???? So, I completely blow my cool. Not only have you been rude and snippy at me for two weeks, you make me feel guilty about asthma twin, and now you have porn on your phone. Not acceptable. So, I yell and cry and flip out. Picture was a joke message from one of his less desirable friends. Why is it still on your phone? Because he didn't erase it yet. Why? No answer. I do not have time for this! I have asthma twin hacking and not breathing, and a two yr old crying for some "rocky" in her rocking chair.
Two days followed of extremely tense relations. One bouquet of flowers went flying out the back door, still in the tissue paper wrapping.
Last night, asthma twin has sinkable episode in shower. I'm alone as provider has very important baseball mtg to attend. I call him. He's home in 4 minutes to help and rescue.
Two week funk over.
But he is so not getting laid in the near future.
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