Today I am blogging about something near and dear to me. Potty training. Or the myth of potty training, and believe me, it is a myth.

I have a two yr old daughter. Wonderful, bright, energy filled child. She occasionally goes on the toilet, for fun. She is far too busy in her world of baby dolls, Dora, coloring, cooking at her play kitchen to take the time to go in a go potty. Like I said, she goes in the bathroom for FUN. As in, let's-take-off-my-clothes-and-run-around-nudie fun.


My MIL feels as though she should be going to the bathroom on a regular basis, fully and completely potty trained. I mean, she single handedly potty trained her three children by the age of 6 weeks!! No, seriously, she pottied her children by or around age 2.
Twenty/thirty years ago, babies and toddlers were wearing cloth diapers (gag)....if I were a baby, I would potty train myself!! It is no wonder we, as toddlers, were going to the toilet by age 2! Yuck.
Now, astounding as this may be to my MIL (she forgets incidentals) I have actually potty trained three little boys prior to my fourth installment. And there are some things I learned...I will grace the world with my knowledge.

First of all, I am not in charge of his/her poop or pee. At all. My kids can all fart on command, but defecate?? I don't think so. I have not been able to command the attention of my childrens' colons at all. If I was in charge, one would think I would command my son to poop before heading to the supermarket. "No, no, no...I don't have to go" or "Mom, I'm fine, I totally pooped this morning." GREAT.
So, while in the supermarket at least one, if not all, sons always have to take a dump while I'm looking for creamer or milk. This is not a joke. And, usually if one son has to go, the other two will follow suit.
Point being: if I was actually in charge of the fecal matter, wouldn't I encourage them to go before leaving the house? Of course I would. I am not in charge of this.
Secondly, it is hard to travel when potty training. Like downtown. Or to the pool. Or for a walk. It's so so so much easier to throw on a diaper than to stop or ask every 26 seconds if he/she has to go to the bathroom. We have three sons in little league this year. I personally, do not plan on spending a lot of time in the "port-a-potty" with the two yr old. I plan on watching my sons' play baseball and chatting with bffs.
Also, the toddler at large who is/isn't potty training has to be able to give a 45 second warning. "Have to go potty!!!" while actually urine is running down leg doesn't count!

I have a real problem with mothers who are in a big hurry to potty train. In such a hurry that they put little cute undies on their kids, and go on to pack 4-5 outfits along the way. Because toddler will go wee in underpants and soak through clothes. Well, no kidding!
"My child is potty trained!!"...smug mother smiles and nods.
Ugh, no. That's called shitting your pants. Wiser and meaner mothers (me and bffs) know this.

When you have as many kids as I do, you try to make less work, not more.

Potty training is basically something that toddler 'decides' it is time for. Albeit, it should be before age 5...toddlers are usually prime for going to bathroom at or around age 3, in my experience. They can communicate their needs more effectively, clearly. They know the 'feeling' of an exploding bladder or an uncomfortable colon!

MIL. (sigh) God bless her. If she would like to come to my home and potty train any of my kids, she can feel free to do so. I have laundry to do. Groceries to buy. Dinners to prepare. Playdates to play. Bills to pay. Floors to mop. Dust to dust. Exercise to do. Showers to take. Clothes to fold. I don't plan on sitting in bathroom on floor waiting for two yr old to take a one second pee, fourteen minutes to play and pretend to wipe with the toilet paper that has now been totally unwound....seriously?

Not going to happen today.